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Dealing with the death of someone close

My father died unexpectedly last week. He was in great shape and loved life. So to see him gone overnight was a huge shock and I still don't believe that he's not here. He and I had a special bond so I'll miss him every day till I die. This experience taught me a lot of things - emotional and mundane that I wanted to share with those who might have to go through the same sad reality:

- Inform family and friends right away. Not only people care, they actually want to help. And you'd need all the help you can get.
- Take care of the living. My main focus was making sure that my mom was ok and providing emotional and psychological support to her. It was important for her to understand that she'd be taken care of and she should feel secure
- Find the right funeral home. It can make a huge difference. A little bit of online search and checking with a few folks can help you narrow down your selection
- Communicate funeral details as well as any other religious ceremonies at your church, temple, mosque. Assign this task to someone in the family so you don't have to deal with it.
- Ensure there's enough food for everyone where the family is getting together. In our case, all our friends were very nice and dropped off food every day for many days.
- Find out if there's a will. You don't need to address it right away but it'll be good to  know if there were some specific wishes for funeral and other things
- There are a lot of agencies like Social Security, DMV, etc. that need to be informed of the death depending on the person's age of course. I researched on Google and found a lot of resources. This one had good details - http://www.trusts-etc.com/whensomeonedies.htm
 -You'd wish you had spent a lot more time with your relative. There's a feeling of guilt. But realize there's nothing you can do to change that. Focus now on the living. In these tragedies people tend to focus so much on the dead that they forget people who are living need a lot more support
- Don't keep dwelling about your relative. You will miss them without dwelling on it. The more you think the more painful it'll be.
- Be careful about what you say to your other family members. Emotions can lead to words that might hurt others.
- Cry. It's good for you and you have to let your emotions out.
- And it's true what they say about time being the best healer. Every day it gets slightly better. Keep yourself busy in work, taking care of others, gardening, sports etc. Distractions are a good friend

Remember like is a continuum. We keep living in one form or another. Stop fighting over the small stuff. Enjoy every moment in this life and don't be afraid.

I know I'll see my father again and I look forward to the day I'll be re-united with him.


Here's the poem I dedicated to my father at the funeral

My Papa, My Hero

-          Mandeep Khera

My Papa, My Hero

He was our rock

And I never thought he would stop;

Issue, big or small, he worried

Looking for ways to solve the issues, he took them as his own and hurried;

Always there for family, friends, and even a stranger,

Extending his help to others even while fighting his own cancer;

Jokes, poems, political speeches, he knew them – big or small,

His confidence, charisma, and passion made him the leader of all;

He called for advice except for fashion

He always wore dapper clothes with passion;

The thing that mattered to him the most was family,

Let’s go have fun, watch a movie, play cards or holi -but only together as a family;

He wanted to be always in touch and communicate,

When he called, and I didn’t pick up the phone, he felt betrayed;

When I called him he would always enthusiastically say, “Hahn, beta, kya haal hai?” (yes, son! How are you?)  and made me feel special,

To not make him sad, I wouldn’t tell him my plans for travel;

I want to be strong like him and not cry,

But how is it possible no matter how hard I try;

I know he’s still here to watch over us and pray,

His family is here so how can he be far away;

He’s my Hero, He’s still our rock,

And I know he’ll never stop.

I love you Papa and will always miss you until I stop.

Inspiriational video

Came across this so I thought I'd share. Will bring you up if you are down.

Miracle Stories from Japan - Destiny at Play

As I talk about in my book "Why?", destiny plays a big role in our lives whether we admit it or not. In every catastrophe there are stories of miracle that defy logic. There are stories of survivors in planes that crashed where every one died except for four people (Japan Airlines crash, 1985). There are cases of miracle survivors in the Tsunami that took away 250,000 lives in 2004. And, now with this huge tragedy in Japan with the Earthquake, Tsunami, and Nuclear Plant meltdown, there are amazing miracle stories:


- A four-month-old girl who had been swept from her parents' arms in the shattered village of Ishinomaki is saved from the rubble three days later. How do you explain that? What is this girl supposed to do when she grows up. What's her destiny?

- According to AP, Ayumi Osuga was practicing origami with her three children, aged 2 to 6, in their single-story home in the coastal city of Sendai (pictured) when the ground started to shake. Then Osuga's husband called. "Get out of there now!" he yelled. Chilled by the brusque warning, the 24-year-old factory worker quickly gathered her children into the car and fled to a hilltop home belonging to her husband's family 12 miles away. Though her home was destroyed, Osuga knows she is lucky to be alive. "My family, my children ... I have come to realize what is important in life," she said.

- Sai Abe, a 70-year-old woman, from her toppled home in the port town of Otsuchi (pictured) Tuesday, four days after an earthquake-spurred tsunami tossed the house off its foundation in Japan's northeast.

- An 80 year old woman and her grand son were pulled alive from he rubble after 9 days!

If you know of any additional miracle stories, please share them here. I am sure every one would love to hear them. 

Japanese Great Earthquake - 8.9 - You never know how quickly things change

Nature's fury has struck once again. A 8.9 magnitude earthquake just struck about an hour ago. Tsunamis are expected to hit Japan coastal towns as well as potentially many other countries. Live videos of Tsunamis really put life in perspective. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us5JEpu6S94

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110311/ap_on_re_as/as_japan_earthquake;_ylt=AsvwB9ic5mQHsrfPbOHVIqes0NUE;_ylu=X3oDMTNqb2RuMzUzBGFzc2V0A2FwLzIwMTEwMzExL2FzX2phcGFuX2VhcnRocXVha2UEY2NvZGUDbW9zdHBvcHVsYXIEY3BvcwMxBHBvcwMyBHB0A2hvbWVfY29rZQRzZWMDeW5fdG9wX3N0b3J5BHNsawNtYWpvcnRzdW5hbWk-

The powerful and terrifying waves destroy everything in their path. Also shows you how meaningless our pitiful daily complaints are. Life is too short and you never know when it'll end. Enjoy every moment, don't worry about petty things or politics, prioritize what's important to you. Before it's all gone. 

What is happiness all about?

It's not the money. It's not how successful you are. It's not what toys you possess. These things can help of course. But, ultimately, happiness comes from inside you. You have to be willing to be happy. Once you have taken that step, then it's the company of your family and friends that would make you feel happy. Then, it's the material things. Most people are so lost in accumulating the material things over everything else that they are rarely happy and when they are happy it's usually short-lived. So, with the Thanksgiving holidays coming up, please try the following:


1. Talk to yourself about being happy. Internalize this thought. If you want to be happy, no one can break through that shield.
2. Always try to be around people with positive vibrations.
3. Enjoy every moment with your friends and family. When you are together enjoy them. Don't fight them. Don't let ego come in the way of your happiness. Remember, don't let anything break through that shield.
4. Enjoy your material things but don't let them come in the way of your happiness. If they make you happy, that's fine but only if they don't come in the way of the most important things in your life.
5. Take a moment every day to close your eyes and reach your own soul. Try to understand the purpose of this life. And, when everything seems to be going horribly wrong, think about the fact that every thing is short lived. Try to focus all your energy on positive outcomes and wait to see the impact.

After you try these things, let me know your thoughts.

Miracle story - Coincidence or Destiny?

As I watched a TV show today on MSNBC on some of the major flight crashes caused by maintenance problems, it made me think, once again, of why certain events are destined to happened. Why is that Aloha Airlines Flight 243 whose fuselage was ripped apart during the April, 1988, landed safely with most passengers except for one senior flight attendant C.B. Lansing who was sucked out of the airplane. Her body was never found. Every one else survived as the plane landed safely after that. Why her? A nice, helpful, courteous person had to go and in such a dramatic way?

What's even more dramatic is the Japan Airlines Flight 123 that left Tokyo International Airport on August 12th, 1985 with 524 passengers. The flight took off at 6.12 P.M. and after the vertical stabilizer broke away, the Captain struggled to control the plane for over 30 minutes. The plane crashed in the mountains 32 minutes after the flight took off. Every one thought that all passengers had died. Well, almost. A miracle - 4 female passengers - from 8 to 34 year old had miraculously survived. Against all odds. Do you still believe there's no destiny?

Sad story of the circle of life while living

When I read this story of this 52 year old man accused of pouring urine on this father
http://www.tcpalm.com/news/2010/mar/28/port-st-lucie-man-arrested-after-allegedly-pouring/ , I was overwhelmed with all kinds of emotions about life. Did that father treat his son so badly as a kid to deserve this? Or is it related to some other karma associated with the father and the son? We don't know the full story. But, it's interesting how when we are young, we are on top of the world and can't do anything wrong. I have seen young and even middle aged people treat their kids, friends, spouse, and parents like crap. They don't ever think of the repercussions. No, there are no legal repercussions. But, there are definitely moral repercussions. That, my friends, is Karma. Karma is not just about paying for your deeds in the next life. It also means you have to pay some of that debt in this life. When you are old and helpless. That's when it might strike. Oh, you Mr. or Ms. arrogant, flying high no-good homo sapien - will you be ready to bear that pain?

People around you will be gone

As I was walking through the park yesterday, I noticed people walking around and observed them. I was thinking that all of these people will be gone one day. Some sooner. Others later. But, each and every one of us will be gone. So, all the petty things that we fret are not going to mean anything anyway. Same applies to all your friends and family. It's only a matter of time. So, enjoy every moment and appreciate the presence of every one - even people you run into at the parks, in the mall, or on the streets.

People have been happy?

I have been traveling a lot lately to the East coast. In spite of the economy, flight delays, and all the craziness at the airports, I have noticed that people have been very friendly and pleasant. Even the flight attendants. I am not sure why this is the case. May be people are getting tired of feeling depressed and unhappy. But it's good to see that people are resilient and trying to be happy. Life is too short anyway and why create all the unhappiness around you.

Has anyone else noticed this as well?

Every moment is important - Flight 447

228 passengers - young, old, man, woman, kids, adults, various ethnicities and religions, moms, dads, sons, daughters, uncles, aunts, grandpa, grandma..Leaving from Rio on Air France Flight 447 for Paris had no idea. Did they do anything wrong? No. Absolutely not. This was all destined. But, we have no idea when and how we'll move to the next phase of life.

We spend so much time living in our past and future and forget about present. Every moment is important and yet we waste it. Money, property, cars, luxuries, clothes.... they all mean nothing. Focus on the real things. Emotions, love, passion, giving. Make every moment a memorable one.

Bad economy, doom and gloom - it's not the end of the world

There are a lot of depressed people right now. If you are jobless with bills piling up and everything seems hopeless, you are not alone. But, remember life is bigger than all these things. This time shall pass as well like all the other times. Life is too short as it is. Stay positive and continue to enjoy every moment. Talk to people who are positive so you don't keep diving into further negativity. To find a job, get out to as many networking events as you can - you'd be surprised how connecting with other people can lead you to ideas and opportunities. If you have too many bills that are overdue, pick up the phone and talk to your credit card companies to come up with a reasonable plan. Whatever you do, stay positive. Think positive. We all have the power to turn things around. Feel it. Believe it. It'll happen.

Madoff Scandal - Karma at play?

A lot of people have asked me if Karma is always from previous lives or current lives. The quick answer is both. We have to pay for our deeds from the previous birth and this year. What Madoff did to thousands of investors is already have an effect on his current life. He's move from a penthouse flat to a small prison cell. He'll live in this hell every day for the rest of his life. So, he'll pay for his karma in this life. But, it might not be enough. In his next live, his payback might continue. What do you think? 

Captain C.B. Sully Sullenberger

Captain Sully from Danville California is truly a hero by saving 150 lives. If you think about this landing in New York a few days ago from a philosophical perspective, what do you think it means? Was it just a coincidence? I don't believe that. There was some deeper meaning behind this. Either it's Captain Sully's destiny that's supposed to change with this or may be there were some people on the plane who will now have a totally different perspective on life. Or may be there were supposed to be casualties on that day but someone's strong prayers on the plane changed the course. You have to wonder. Mysteries of life continue....

Meaning of Life

Here's an excerpt from one of the chapters from my book Why? which is now available online at Amazon.com and BN.com:

Many people believe that life has no meaning, no purpose whatsoever. We live our lives and we die. And, nothing happens. We just cease to exist. Interesting concept. However, it’s basically a defeatist attitude. These people get tired of trying to figure out the purpose of why we are
here. Our brains are not equipped to capture the answers to every question. So, they figure if we can’t think of an answer, the answer must not exist. They don’t try to use out-of-the-box thinking to get the answers-not from the brain but from the soul.

Life is everywhere. There are a lot more animals than human beings. No one knows for sure, but according to some sources, there are more than two million animal species with many more still being discovered. This means that there are trillions of animals living on Earth. If we add other living organisms like plants, trees, and various forms of bacteria, then the number could increase to many more trillions, all living and thriving.

Over 6.6 billion people currently living. Over 100 billion people come and gone. Many more trillions of birds, animals, and other creatures. Without purpose? Think about it.

The World Events - Mumbai, India, Thailand

Life has so many twists. My family and I were getting ready to take our trip to India - after 12 years - in a few days and looking forward to it. For some reason things were just not feeling right. And, then the terror strikes in Mumbai, India with close to 200 deaths. We have spent a lot of time watching the events throughout the weekend. You can't help but wonder why are these people doing these terrible things.  Most of the terrorists were young people in their early 20s. Why would they waste their lives like this? Why would they want to kill so many innocent people? There must have been some connection to their Karma in their previous lives that brought them to this point. It's a terrible and tragic event. And, you have to ask - why? 

Thailand is going through some turmoil as well. Why are we going through these strange times with terrorist attacks, economic crisis, unemployment, etc.? Why now? How is the World supposed to evolve from this? These are just a few questions I'll be exploring in the coming days and I invite you all to provide your thoughts as well. 

Why

I am sure like everyone else you have asked yourself the question “why?” for many incidents in your life. All of us are looking for answers to the meaning of life, and answers to many other questions - why do bad things happen to innocent people, kids, and animals? I wanted to start a dialogue here to get your point of view. My book called Why? will be published in a few months and addresses a number of these issues. But, I am very interested in finding out the various perspectives out there. Please post your reply here. There are no right or wrong answers. You have to wonder about these things especially when bad things happen to innoncent children and animals. I look forward to having stimulating conversations with you all.